Guys Behavior after a Breakup – All You Need to Know
The fact that we are querying the mindset of a man post-breakup is in itself unique. Why don't we ask how women feel after breakups? Could it be that it doesn't matter how the femmes feel, or is that their dispositions post-breakup are easy to analyze? Either way, men have been tuned, schooled, nurtured, and cultured into being macho. To be more specific, the macho (or alpha) male is not expected to show emotions, let alone those based on a breakup. From an early age, crying is non-masculine and leads to ridicule. Expressing contempt over relationship matters should be done in-house; no one needs to know.
So what exactly does it take place in male psychology after a breakup? Are there no emotions involved, or is it all pent up and left for later?
Why Do Guys Act Like They Don't Care after a Breakup?
First off, dudes don't have emotions; at least, that is what we are led to believe from childhood. No man should show too much affection, especially as it relates to women. It is an age-old belief, perpetuated in certain circles to ensure men don't let down their gender. Even while dating, men are expected to remain steadfast in their masculinity. In any event, if a breakup does occur, men are expected to move on swiftly, perhaps replacing said partner immediately.
It doesn't help the boy child in any way, seeing as he now has piles of emotions, including new feelings for the newfound love. This idea of keeping feelings in check has left many-a-man feeling distraught, depressed and lonely, even when in a relationship.
- Men don't find time to seek help. Once a breakup is in order, women may seek time to talk to their (ex) partner to know what went down. While women may even seek counseling, professional or otherwise, men spend more time hunting for a new trophy.
- While women cry their hearts out – to help them feel better, not to release toxins – men, on the other hand, take on a physical approach to releasing toxins. Men do feel bad after breakups, and the best approach (manly, to be exact), turns out to be hitting the gym, football field, or the bar.
- Men don't talk. It is another (age-old) belief that men should not air their dirty laundry or feelings. So, when a couple does break up, men are taught that it is okay to have pent-up anger or feelings and those things will get better with time. Talking to a priest, or God-forbid (pun intended) a counselor, is a no-no.
What Guys Go Through after a Breakup – Know a Reality
For men, nothing is more lacking than support. More importantly, the male ex-partner receives little in terms of empathy from family or friends. The worst-case scenario, which happens to be the most common scenario, is that friends will ridicule their dude. Picture a guy after a breakup who needs all the support he can get, especially from those who may have introduced the couple.
Unlike women, men don't get support quite as easily. It is bad enough feeling… bad, after a breakup, let alone having your pals indifferent to your afflictions. Women will have a crying- party (okay, that's not fair, but it's true), and even have a box of tissues and movie-watching to air out the emotions. Men will respond after they are sought for counsel, and even then, the help will be wanting.
So, inevitably, a male's mind after a breakup is not exactly what would be deemed sober. It means he is bound to be temperamental, volatile with emotions all over the place. As mentioned earlier, the male gender is expected to keep their feelings in check - what happens, in the end, is the exact opposite.
Things Can Get Ugly for Guys after Breakup
While there is no empirical evidence that more men commit suicide than women, it would be right to assume the following based on breakups.
- Facts show that depression, post-breakups can and almost always leads to a feeling of hopelessness. This feeling can and inevitably leads in many cases to suicidal attempts. Again, it is not stipulated that men attempt suicide more than women. However, it makes sense to deduce that with fewer men seeking/finding help after a breakup; they are more likely to experience depression. Guys inevitably feel bad after a breakup, and even worse, they can do little about it.
- Some men have little if any means of dealing with a breakup. For instance, in the example shown earlier, they do not have much support from family or friends. What ensues after a breakup can be quite devastating, as they take to either stalking/threats or both, while some may even become violent. These violent traits may not be exhibited during the relationship, but a broken heart can lead to an unprecedented display of feelings.
How Do Men Handle Breakups - The Nitty Gritty
While knowing how men may or may not cope with a breakup, who their support system is (if any), and how their behaviors change is important, there is more. Let's check out the sure-fire ways you will know a guy is suffering after a breakup and how some find self-improvement post-breakup.
Dumper or Dumpee – He Wins
Do you want to know if he's hurting? Has he recently blocked you on every social media channel, perhaps even screening your calls or barring them completely? Chances are he does not hate you; he's just mad, disappointed, and feeling bad after a breakup.
Calling You out – Made up Stories
Whoever dumped the other, there is a chance he will switch up the story to make it clear he wanted it over anyway. That will be the case in terms of anecdotes between him and his friends. There is also the chance that he will project what he fears in himself. It is usually the case when he begins talking smack about you, possibly manufacturing fake stories and lies about his ex. It is a sure-fire sign he is hurting because there is no other explanation, according to him, as to why you are broken up. The only conclusion is that you (ex-partner) are the one with the problem.
Breakups to Make-Ups
The other sure-fire way to know a dude feels bad after a breakup is when he begins to hint at possibly making up with his ex. Now, this can go in either direction (men can be complicated too). First off, he may be persistently insulting, even claiming he would never (unless hell was to freeze over) get back with you, his ex. As his ex, any hint that you would consider getting back together is met with ridicule.
On the other hand, he may hint at getting back together in very subtle ways. A few links to love songs sent to you, which he deletes, claiming they were meant for another party. Both his embracing of the idea and total ridicule of the same are guaranteed signs he is hurting – now you know.
So, dude won't stop calling you, for whatever reason, and there will be many. More often, men who are hurting after a breakup will not call to insult you; rather, they will find an excuse to have to call you repeatedly. For instance, he may insist that you need to get closure regarding the pet both of you love. Really? Seems he never cared about the cat before.
Or perhaps his reason for calling is that he cannot uninstall a program because both names are on it (really? He is the one who set it up). These are undoubtedly symptoms of a man experiencing extreme loneliness, possibly depression. So yes, men do feel bad after a breakup, and the ways they exhibit these feelings are a dime-a-dozen.
What's the Way Forward for Guys after Breakup?
It is all insightful stuff learning what men go through after breakups, but little is ever mentioned about how men should deal with breakups. So, while we know for a fact that men feel bad after a breakup, perhaps some insight is in order as to how they should cope.
Make a New Home
Most broken-up couples tend to have had a steady home, rental or otherwise, that they both called home. Once they break up, the lady may stay at the house while the guy seeks new shelter. It is important that men stock up on food, be it microwavable or fresh. Most men spend little time cooking while dating, and the depression they experience post-breakup is real. It needs to be countered with adequate meals, or malnutrition is in order.
Socialize Like a Teen
Find and make new friends as soon as possible, be they online pals or people from your circles. Loneliness is the number one enemy of resolutions and change after breaking up. We have already concluded that dudes feel bad after a breakup. What is a better way to bring some sunshine into these dark times than having pals over for drinks, food, or movies?
When people break up, they become paranoid, suspecting that everyone (including strangers) judges them. It is even more pronounced in men, who, it turns out, have very fragile egos, especially when dumped. So, as a male, remember that few, if any people at all, care that you were dumped, and none at all could care less who the dumper is; move on.
Guilt vis-à-vis Shame
For most men, especially behind closed doors, there is an element of 'how useless am I?' It falls under shame, and it is rarely justified thinking. On the other hand, guilt leaves the man crying underneath the covers at night, wishing they could have done more or less of something to sustain the relationship. Both can lead to severe depression and should be avoided at all costs. If all else fails, find counseling in the form of a peer, if not a professional. Talking almost always fixes relationship matters.
Find Help in Books
Find time to read books. Though not all self-help books are in order, selecting renowned literature from credible authors is important. While men may not be particularly fond of talking things out, reading a book, be it hardcover or Kindle, will help a great deal. Take time to peruse the web after a breakup, keeping in mind that you should search for scholarly material to help you cope.
Prioritize on Self and Family
Lest we forget, many men who experience breakups do indeed have kids with said partner. Men are urged to spend ample time tending to their personal, emotional, and physical needs, as well as their kids. It is not only healthy for the man; it creates a conducive environment for recuperating and moving forward. Spending countless hours wallowing in self-pity never did anyone any good. The quicker men redirect their energies toward priorities, and the faster positive changes will occur.
Like crap – for lack of a better word. Men, like women, feel icky inside once a long-running bond comes to an end. Emotionally, men may even be more susceptible to depression than women, primarily because men are taught to hide their feelings. However, outward appearances may be deceiving as men tend to be more aggressive post-breakup, seemingly moving on as if nothing happened.
With that said, guys do feel bad after a breakup, and it may take more than their initiative to get them fully functioning again. So as a wingman, take time to take note of your pal's breakup symptoms, and help accordingly. You could be the difference between a simple tantrum, a rant, or a suicide.