Boyfriend/Girlfriend Red Flags You Should Know
15 Examples of Red Flags in Relationship
Abuse occur when activities are not performed in the right manner. In relation to relationships, abuse could simply mean cruel or inhumane treatment of a partner. Abuse can come in various forms such as verbally, physically, psychologically and even emotionally.
Verbal abuse is the use of negative and degrading words to make a partner feel less of himself/herself. This form of abuse is very dangerous as continuous repetition of offensive words could make a partner lose his/her self-respect.
Physical abuse could mean causing bodily harm to a partner. This ranges from throwing a punch at a partner’s face when slightly provoked to taking a partner’s life in extreme cases.
Psychological and emotional abuse are closely related. It involves making use of emotion to manipulate and harass a partner. It is often difficult to be recognized as it doesn’t leave a physical mark or scar. This form of abuse is a cankerworm that eats deep into the self-worth of a partner. It results into the partner making excuses for the abuser and thereby accepting the reality of worthlessness.
Any form of abuse in a relationship is a pointer that there is something wrong. This should be treated as a red flag.
It is important to note that love blossoms well when money is involved. However, if all your partner cares about is how much you earn, the extent to which you could go to settle their financial obligations (mostly trivial ones), then it is a red flag. A relationship should not be a getaway for financial troubles.
If a partner is all about the financial benefits to be gained, it could be that he/she is there for the money alone. It is also a call for concern when a partner forces you to handover your financial resources and release it only when they see a need for you to spend money. Money is important but should not be the driving force of a relationship.
3. One-sided Effects or Compromise
A relationship is termed ‘healthy’ when the parties involved are committed to making compromises that would enhance its progress. In a situation where a partner is the only one ensuring things work out, this should be a call for alarm.
A relationship in which a partner does ‘all the work’ while the other party acts like ‘there’s not a care in the world’ would leave the ‘working partner’ drained and frustrated. The partners of a relationship should complement each other. When this isn’t so, it indicates a red flag in the relationship.
4. Lack of Communication
Communication is the life-blood of any relationship. Through communication, feelings, values and beliefs are shared between partners. Communication ensures that partners are on the same page regarding issues of life. One way to test the strength of a relationship is to monitor how frequent the partners communicate. In an ideal relationship, partners talk to each other about everything, even the silliest matters.
If there’s a decline in communication, it is an indication of a red flag. If a partner doesn’t communicate with you, it could mean that he/she doesn’t see the need for you to know what’s going on in their life. Misunderstanding is inevitable when there is little/no communication in a relationship.
Every relationship has its ups and downs. The problem of indecision would only add salt to injury. It would be much easier to overcome difficult situations when partners are able to make a unified decision. There is nothing more frustrating than a partner not been able to take decisions solely. It could be likened to a baby dependent on the parent for his wellbeing.
Relationships are for mature minds. If a partner struggles to make decisions at all times, it means they aren’t sure of what they want and it probably includes you. It is okay to give a partner the push they require to make decisions when necessary. However, it shouldn’t be an every time occurrence. If so, it is definitely a red flag.
6. Third party interference
The essence of a relationship is the coming together of two lovers to share interests, ideas and feelings. Hence, it becomes a turnoff when the relationship is influenced by an external party. It is a red flag if the third party dictates the tone of the relationship. There can be opinion from other people but this shouldn’t overrule the ideas of the parties in a relationship. In a situation whereby the opinion of the partners have to be validated by the third party, then it means something is wrong.
7. Having to change
It is important to take note of any changes in your behavior while being in a relationship. If you notice that you constantly give up what you love for the sake of the relationship, then it is a bad sign. You should be with someone that you feel very comfortable with. In cases where you have to give up things you consider very important to you, it is a red flag. Your partner should love you for who you are, not what they want you to be. It is not worth it when you can’t be real in a relationship. It is wrong living to please your partner at your own detriment.
8. No regard for people
This is an obnoxious behavior that should be frowned at. Showing little or no regard to constituted authority is a major red flag. This simply means that the opinion of other people doesn’t matter. When a partner gives no heed to advice from friends, relatives and older people, such behavior should be questioned. It is only a matter of time before the partner disrespects the other party in the relationship.
9. Bad conflict resolution skills
It is no news that conflict occur in every relationship. The end goal is to move from a state of disagreement to agreement. When a partner performs poorly in the face of conflict, then there is a problem. This could include destruction of valuable items, suicidal threats, silent treatments, difficulty in letting go of past hurts etc. A relationship is the union of two imperfect partners who are ready to be forgiving whenever the case arises. If it takes your partner ‘forever’ to come around after an argument, it is an indication of a red flag.
10. Jealousy of partner’s progress
All could be rosy and smooth till a partner get a huge promotion at work, major breakthrough in business, dream job, then jealousy starts setting in. A partner’s achievement should be the joy of the other party. You should let your partner shine without restriction as it would make them more appreciative of you. It is a pointer to confidence in the relationship. No one wants a person who feels insecure at any slightest occurrence.
When a partner suddenly loses interest, becomes very sensitive and insecure due to the progress of their significant other, then it is a danger sign to be worried about.
11. Unhealthy comparison
Every individual is unique and special in their own way. It is an unhealthy habit to compare people to each another. It could bring feelings of resentment and inadequacy. There are people whom you admire and would love to imitate but that shouldn’t give room for unhealthy comparison. There are ways one could evaluate the differences between people without having to reduce a person to nothing.
If your partner constantly compares you with past partners in a way that makes you feel you would never measure up, that is definitely an indication of a red flag. There’s a reason why people from your past are where they are (in the past). This isn’t limited to exes only, making unrealistic comparison with other people especially in a manner that kills the self-esteem of a partner should be frowned at.
12. Secret relationship
It is okay to keep relationships private, I mean, you are in it for your happiness and comfort. It however becomes questionable when your partner decides to keep it a secret from everyone. You are in a relationship, not a secret cult.
There should be few people that should be aware of your relationship with a partner such as family members and close friends. If your partner wants to be with you in dark and secluded places only, it means they aren’t proud of you or have ulterior motive for the relationship. It is a major red flag if your partner insists no one must be aware of the relationship.
13. Seclusion from family and friends
This could take form by separating a partner from their family, restraining them from having friends, death threats whenever they are seen with either friend of family. When this trait is noticed even in its tiniest form, it is advisable for the relationship to be re-evaluated.
This refers to persuading someone to thinking they are wrong about certain issues when in reality, it’s not true. Gaslighting when done over a long period of time, questions the sanity of the affected partner. It makes the partner accept the fact that they are always wrong and probably crazy. The affected party doesn’t rely on his sense of reasoning, this can result into low self-esteem.
15. Double standard
This is to support a given cause but go against it in particular situations. For instance, a partner disapproves a particular lifestyle of the other party but encourages it when other people behave the same way. When a partner is the type with double standards, it is a red flag to take note of.